Ugly

I chopped my hair off for several reasons. Mostly, I never had or took the time to style my long hair. It took too long to wash, to condition, to dry and to curl. And usually the curl went flat. So I wore it in a low ponytail every day. I felt frumpy. So I chopped it.

I loved my new hair cut. LOVED. It was everything I dreamed. Wash and wear. It had a grown-up nerdy look to it that suited me perfectly. Plus, I got rid of all the hair I had previously dyed, so I was back to my natural dark color. When I wanted to style it, I could. I used a curling iron 1" in diameter and I did ringlets away from my face. Then I combed through with my fingers for some really stylin' hair. For two whole weeks I enjoyed my hair.

And then I got greedy. What if I could do that every day? What if I could put in permanent spiral curls, and just wash and wear that? I had a consultation at a salon. I explained everything. I used the exact measurement of curl I was looking for. Perhaps these people just didn't know what the word "diameter" means. And I'm sure they weren't ready for the "vertical" concept. I have natural curl in my hair, large loose curls, but it's inconsistent. I just wanted to make it uniform. They warned me that with my hair as short as it is, I would likely not have curl but wave. And it might not last you very long, maybe only two months. Perfect, I said, body wave was just fine with me. And since this was an experiment, I really wasn't looking for a six-month unalterable style. If it didn't take, that was fine by me.

Oh merciful heavens. The rods they used were about half an inch in diameter, max. And they placed them horizontally over my whole head. And on the bottom part of my hair, where it was shorter, they used smaller and smaller rods. Now the hair that grows off my neck, which used to curl into lovely ringlets all on its own, is in small clumps of hair stuck against my skin. As Heather said, I asked for wave and I got Annie.

I tried washing it out. They warn you not to shampoo or condition your hair for 3 and 7 days, respectively, for fear that your curl will relax too much. It doesn't. I tried. Thrice. They also tell you the curl gets looser over the first couple of days. And that is true. But it doesn't make the curls go from a tighter curl to a looser one. It simply makes the hair pull straighter. Now it's not tiny ringlets on my head that reach only to my ears; my hair reaches my chin again and looks like it has been put through a crimper. And it forms the shape of a mushroom, thanks to those smaller curls in my shorter layers.

I have never felt so ugly. I sobbed for hours. I confess to praying in the shower for a miracle that would fix my hair. I didn't mind the lost money, but the hair just hurt. I avoid looking in mirrors, and I have gotten Kevin's promise not to take pictures of me on our trip next week. "What if you look really cute?" he asked. I won't. That won't be a problem.

I can't wear hats, I can't blow-dry my hair straight. I can only plaster it down with conditioner, moisturizing cream and mousse. It's almost not too terrible that way, just wet looking. No worse than the low ponytail, maybe. I might be able to get used to it. I'll just go back to being frumpy all day. Who knows, maybe bobby pins or curling irons will have some effect. It's not the worst thing to happen to a person, but it is the worst thing to happen to my hair.